Funnies

Subject: Darwin Awards

First Place - The 2002 Darwin Award Winner: When his 38-calibre

revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in

Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something

that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried

the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honourable mentions:

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting

machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to

his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out

one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out

and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

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A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a

woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

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After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be

transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to

admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and

offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the

passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the

patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The

deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

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An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from

serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how

he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply

trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train

before he was hit.

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A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash

drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the

from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The

total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If someone

points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)

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Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window,

grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved

it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back and

hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.

Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole

event was caught on videotape.

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As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and

the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the

snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.

They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was

then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive

ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the

lady I stole the purse from."

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The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and

demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he

couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man

ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for

breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

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Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by

running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup

truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though,

they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene

and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With

their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's

license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly

arrested.

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A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on

a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police

arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a

motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the

man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon

hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of

the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best

laugh he'd ever had.